By Melanie P. Moore
Whether the holidays were everything you’d hoped for, nothing you’d ever hope for, or you “flew” Southwest, we’ve turned the corner to January, to a new year stretched out in front of us. New calendars are a blank slate, mostly. We’re optimistic, mostly. Then come the questions—the one question really—What’s your New Year Resolution?
I looked up “resolution” (of course I did) to see what it means. Mostly I think of the pixels on my computer screen—which is, in fact, listed in Merriam-Webster as definition 6.a. (and that’s not even the last one). What else could I do but compile a list of resolutions, one for each of the dictionary definitions.
Resolution: the act or process of resolving, such as:
1.a. the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones.
New Year Resolution 1.a.: I will learn to “land the plane” in conversation, a bold departure from my run-on-sentence-rough-draft descriptions so full of detail that it’s not clear (even to me) what my point is.
1.b. the act of answering: SOLVING:
New Year Resolution 1.b.: I will not skip the difficult New York Times crossword puzzles (i.e. I’ll do more than just the Monday ones).
1.c. the act of determining
New Year Resolution 1.c.: I will choose with authority my order at a restaurant (without asking what everyone else is having, without playing panicked “menu roulette” when the server looks at me, again, after everyone else has ordered)
1.d. the passing of a voice part from a dissonant to a consonant tone
New Year Resolution 1.d.: When I sing out loud, I will strive to match pitches.
1.e. the separating of a chemical compound or mixture into its constituents
New Year Resolution 1.e.: I will remember to remove the bay leaf from soup before serving.
2. the subsidence of a pathological state (such as inflammation)
New Year Resolution 2.: I will take more Aleve
3.a. something that is resolved
New Year Resolution 3.a.: I will finish this blog post
3.b. firmness of resolve
New Year Resolution 3.b.: I will finish this blog post. Seriously.
4. a formal expression of opinion, will, or intent voted by an official body or assembled group
New Year Resolution 4.: Whereas I have started it, now therefore let it be formally resolved that I will finish this blog post. (Unanimously approved by me and my shadow.)
5. the point in a literary work at which the chief dramatic complication is worked out
New Year Resolution 5: I will figure out where Bernadette DID go.
6. a. the process or capability of making distinguishable the individual parts of an object
New Year Resolution 6.a.: I will finish the 2,000-piece puzzle my sister started (where “started” = dumped out all the pieces and propped up the box with the picture) on my dining table at Christmas THE DAY SHE LEFT.
6.b. a measure of the sharpness of an image or of the fineness with which a device (video display, printer, scanner) can produce usually expressed as the total number or density of pixels in the image
New Year Resolution: I will stop using my dot-matrix printer for photos, especially photos I am giving as gifts.
Happy New Year Y’all!