Excited, Not Excited About Thanksgiving

By Melanie P. Moore

(Editor’s Note: This post has been updated to include clarifying information.)

I’m excited about Thanksgiving this year because, in addition to my favorite annual side dishes (see my Epic Green Bean Casserole recipe below), I have a new Traeger smoker and will be brining and smoking my first turkey! Because I am a seven on the Enneagram, this means, of course, that I had to get the special Traeger Thanksgiving kit, including special pellets, brine, and rub for the turkey. More, I had to acquire all the accessories for the smoker—I won’t say how many hardware stores I visited to get everything.

Learning that I am a seven on the Enneagram has been one of the most elucidating discoveries in my journey toward self awareness. (I had spent more than a decade thinking I was a four; “You are so not a four!” a friend said recently.) Although family and friends have often teased me about going “all-in” on whatever my latest interest is—tennis, golf, sailing, Pickleball…smoking meat!), it was by working with the Enneagram group at The Abbey that I have seen how these proclivities actually indicate my spiritual type. (I’m not just gung-ho and fickle, I’m a seven!)

Working with the Enneagram—and with guidance from our group and leaders—I am learning not only how to better understand myself but also how to be more understanding of other people, especially family and colleagues. One of the key insights I’ve gained is that knowing (or guessing) the Enneagram type of someone is a kind of view into their perspective of a given situation. For example, knowing that a two is the Giver (Helper) or that a six is The Loyal Skeptic (Questioner) or that a nine is the Mediator (Peacemaker) helps me to not get frustrated when that part of them seems to be obstructing a solution that seems perfectly clear to me. It also helps me, a seven, the Epicure (Enthusiast) be more patient when they are slow to jump on whatever bandwagon I’m excited about that day.

Now I’ll turn to why I’m not excited about Thanksgiving this year. I will be cooking for my in-laws. First, I love them and they love me. But we are politically (and likely ideologically) opposed and none of us are very good at keeping our mouths shut. It is hard for me to exercise hospitality to people who are happy their candidate won the election—a candidate who represents coalitions that oppose rights I currently have, including my marriage.

Instead of dwelling on these differences and giving into my personal fear/apocalyptic tendencies, I can focus my energy on reviewing Enneagram materials. I can look deeply into my type—where I go when I’m under stress, what the negative and positive aspects of my reactions are. With that, I can remind myself how to prepare for and better manage my reactions in conversation with others.

Similarly, I can try to identify among the Enneagram types the characteristics and reactions of my in-laws. My theory is that my father-in-law is an eight and my mother-in-law is a three. Of course I’ll never be able to engage them in considering what they might be, which is too bad because it might then be a much safer, more entertaining conversation than the ones we wind up in.

At any rate, by considering what types they might be, I may be more understanding when a sensitive topic comes up and a comment is made that would otherwise destroy me or send me into a retaliatory diatribe. At least I hope this will work. My strategy for this year is to engage my father-in-law in a prolonged conversation about meat smoking techniques and football, and to talk with my mother-in-law about her grandkids, her book club, and whether or not she’s found a reasonably-priced Chablis she can tolerate. That, and focusing enthusiasm on my first smoked turkey and epic green bean casserole!

My Epic Green Bean Casserole

I use this recipe from the New York Times, with the following modifications:

• I don’t make my own crispy onions as this recipe suggests. I use the French’s Crispy Fried Onions that my mom used (not the same ones, those would be disintegrated by now).
• I  use our local grocery store’s (HEB) “umami” mushroom mix.
• I put shredded Gruyere and sharp white cheddar cheese on top to bake and melt before adding the onions on top to brown.

Here’s hoping your Thanksgiving is safe and joyful, in whatever circumstance you may find yourself. For my part, I’m thankful to have family around me to bump up against.

Additional clarification: Although Enneagram types (and our instincts) help us to gather/process information, the type itself doesn’t determine our views on politics, religion, or any other topic.  I invoked the Enneagram in this post because understanding the motivation behind the type can help us understand and have compassion for a relative and their views.  And it can help us find a way into a deeper discussion.  It’s important to be clear that, for example, not all sevens are liberal. In fact, I’m told that at least one Enneagram expert has the theory that the candidate I didn’t vote for might be a seven. I guess we really do have more in common than what separates us!